Oh well, you know, i may look shy and quiet. But i am not. I am just doing my best in my part to be a good girl. I just love to break the rule. By the way, i hate rules. Most of the rules are quite stupid. It's annoying that all of us need to follow the rules and can't do the things that we really like. I mean as long as the things doesn't hurt yourselves. I do have my own principles. I would never ever do things that will hurt myself and the one i care. Mind you, the one i care is only my family and my best friends. I only have a few best friends. I am very picky when choosing a best friend. Of course i have a lot of friends, but they are just friends. Nothing more nothing less. JUST FRIENDS. Once i considered they are my best friends and i'll treasure them. And they should not betray me or i'll really really hurt and i'll tend to hurt you back. I hate betrayal. I don't forgive.
There are always have things that i really want to do. For example, i want a backpack journey at other countries. I'll just bring a few things and travel around the world at the countries i like. I just want to escape from this sophisticating life. I am tired of my so-called responsibilities. I just don't like this world. It's way too fake. Everyone are pretending or else they'll call you weirdo. Honestly, if there's a change, i would want to be a little child again. There will be nothing for me to worry. =D
There are some KIND of people who really gets on my nerve. It just like some son of biatch. They maybe not the worst kind of human i have ever met, but, trust me, they deserve to go to hell. I have been very patient towards them. My patient already reach its limit. I am really going to explode at any time now. They are worst, alright, to make the matter worse, they can't even do a simple tiny thing right. All they did is making the matter worsen. I don't know what did they learn for the last 12 years in school. They are such a poor upbringing. Pity their parents for having such a trash as a child. Well, i am 'SORRY'*sarcastic* for using harsh words towards you, but i don't think anyone will want me to yell at their faces with some disgusting saliva flying. Don't worry, i'll pray for you. I'll pray that a flower pot falling from sky and hit you head. I'll also pray that your bike lost control at the speed of 110. I am evil.
I think i am going to go crazy. There are so many things to do in a short time. The problem is the report. Well, i don't have any problem in writing a report. But the problem is that the report is suppose to be a group work. And i am the one who is doing all the report work! They are doing their job but all they give me is a piece of shyte. I didn't meant to be rude but their attitude start to getting on my nerve. They are not serious when completing the assignment and didn't even follow the format of writing a report. When i saw their work (they are suppose to hand it to me), all i can think is "WTH". I did told them what i felt about this report and their attitude. But i don't think they are making any effort to improve their lazy-a*s-attitude. I am sick of it. But, well, think positively, i gain more than them anyway.
Honestly, if it weren't because i need to continue my study, i won't have come here in the first place. I don't like this place at all. To tell the truth, i am the type who really values family and i just love my home. If i am given the chance, i would want to stay at home forever. But, in reality i can't do that. I'll have my responsibility and need to get a job. I will still need to stay at outside when i got a job. impossible i'll still have to stay at home even when i have my job. I really hate it especially when i can't go back during some important day. For example, chinese new year. The flight is so expensive that my family can't afford it. And i'll have to stay at hostel all alone. It's annoying to have those feeling of being left alone, i just hate it. It's feel like you are being abandoned and so pity. I really wish i was come from a damn rich family. In this way, i don't need to worry about the money. I have been very sensitive to money issue. Wondering why this world is so unfair.
I have been wondering for some time now: why am i alive and what do i live for. Recently, i know the answer for myself. I am alive because i have job that i need to accomplish. I want to make my family happy and live a better life. I want to help other people, especially those needy. I have this idea after i watch a video. It pains me greatly. It also make me realize that there are so many people who need my help. But considering my present situation, i don't have enough money or strength to help them. I will do my best to help those near me. But first, i need to help myself. In order to get a good job that i like with good salary, i must study hard and harder to achieve my goal. I must get good result no matter what. Yes, this is my goal. I want to make this world a better place. I know it's not easy and is an childish dream. Besides, i also want my parents to be proud of me and can live their life happily after retired. Sign..., they will retire in a few years time. And i still have younger brothers. I'll need to study hard now. I don't want to disappoint my parents further. I felt guilty every time i waste my time doing nonsense. I am sorry, mum, dad. I promise i'll study hard from now on. Forgive me if i said or done something that hurt you. I am sorry, I love you all^^
I saw their before and after pictures. People said they undergo plastic surgery and that's why they look so different. In my opinion, i think it's mostly because of make-up, lost of weight, take good care of their skin, change of fashion and many others. They said, there are no ugly women, only have lazy women. It's true that if a girl take good care of herself and with fashion sense, she can be beautiful. I just start listening to their songs recently, and it's nice. Wondering why some people said most of the members can't sing. Honestly, they are beautiful^^ I wish i can be like them. But, oh well, i would better back to reality where i belong to.
I am lost. I don't know what i live for. I wasted my life. I wasted my time everyday doing non-senses. I tried to make a change. But nothing get better. I don't know what's wrong with me. I am thinking over and over again about the causes that i wasted my life and my time. I read some books to help me in changing my life for the better. I can only maintain my enthusiasm for a while. I guess this is the reason why i failed to live a successful life. I pray to god to help me and i am doing my best to help myself. But i still felt myself being abandoned by god. Nothing change but it's getting worse. I am not some spoiled brats. It's not like i love to complain. I have best friends, i mean REAL best friends. There are two of them. Little. But i am glad i meet them. Guess i am really picky when i choose my friends. We are far apart. I miss them very much. I have other friends. But they are not the 'best friend' type. I am lonely over here. I want them to be by my side. I only can act naturally when i am together with them. For other time, i am quiet. And i am even more quiet now. People start to think i am really passive. I am invisible here. No body will care if i disappear one day. I know i still have my family. But i need friends, too. I treasure my best friends. I won't let go once i decide they are my best friends.