i am lost

I am lost. I don't know what i live for. I wasted my life. I wasted my time everyday doing non-senses. I tried to make a change. But nothing get better. I don't know what's wrong with me. I am thinking over and over again about the causes that i wasted my life and my time. I read some books to help me in changing my life for the better. I can only maintain my enthusiasm for a while. I guess this is the reason why i failed to live a successful life. I pray to god to help me and i am doing my best to help myself. But i still felt myself being abandoned by god. Nothing change but it's getting worse. I am not some spoiled brats. It's not like i love to complain. I have best friends, i mean REAL best friends. There are two of them. Little. But i am glad i meet them. Guess i am really picky when i choose my friends. We are far apart. I miss them very much. I have other friends. But they are not the 'best friend' type. I am lonely over here. I want them to be by my side. I only can act naturally when i am together with them. For other time, i am quiet. And i am even more quiet now. People start to think i am really passive. I am invisible here. No body will care if i disappear one day. I know i still have my family. But i need friends, too. I treasure my best friends. I won't let go once i decide they are my best friends.